


Accepting Defeat

by bluemadridista



Category: Football RPF
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Fluff, Friendship/Love, Humor, M/M, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-28
Updated: 2013-10-28
Packaged: 2017-12-30 19:23:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,955
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1022469
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bluemadridista/pseuds/bluemadridista
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Santi is in love with Juan. Fernando is also in love with Juan. Since they can't both have him, one will have to accept defeat. Who will it be?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Accepting Defeat

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I don't know these guys. Don't own anything, but the idea. To my knowledge, this isn't true.
> 
> Haven't written anything in a while, so I'd love to hear what you think in the comments section!

Fernando wakes up in a bad mood. It’s the week he’s been dreading – national team week. He’s not called up again, of course, so he’ll be stuck at home while Juan goes off with the rest of their countrymen to have a great time in Brazil. Normally, if Juan is away, he tries to spend time with David Luiz, because that guy can always make him happy, but David was called up for this very same friendly as were Oscar, Ramires, and Cesar. Eden is off in Belgium with family or something, and he doesn’t even want to know what his captains are doing together with their time off. He is going to be completely alone.

Fernando check his phone before he crawls out of bed, and finds nothing – no messages, missed calls, nothing from Juan. He will be leaving that afternoon, and he can’t even be bothered to call. Fernando tosses his phone onto the bed, and lumbers toward the bathroom. He is stripped down when he hears his front door slam. Olalla is in Spain with the kids “indefinitely” since she caught him kissing Juan, and Juan is the only other person (besides the cleaning lady) who has a key to his place. Since Elisabeth doesn’t come on Tuesday, Fernando knows it must be his lover. He tugs his boxers back up, and races toward the front door.

Juan is bundled up against the chill in England’s autumn air. Fernando loves him this way; in sweaters, scarves, wool coats. He looks gorgeous and adorable all at the same time.

Juan offers him a wide smile. “You look like you’re much warmer than I am. It’s freezing out there.”

“I love you,” Fernando replies, sounding like an idiot considering what Juan said to him, but Juan just laughs it off.

“I love you too, Fer.” He moves in for a kiss. He need only turn his little face up to his taller lover to get what he wants. Fernando leans down and kisses his lips softly. The kiss lingers longer than the soft touch first seemed to dictate.

Juan winds up pressed against the wall to the right of the door through which he just entered. Fernando’s hands are all over him – in his hair, tugging at his coat, caressing his face, and neck. Juan can feel his face burning red. He can barely breathe. Fernando’s mouth is completely possessing his. He wants to stay like that forever, but he needs a breath…

When Juan breaks away, Fernando mutters an apology. Juan sucks in a few deep breaths, and shakes his head. “I’m warm now,” he says with a soft little chuckle.

Fernando laughs, and steals a quick kiss on his small mouth. “I bet you are… but I know what you make you even warmer.”

Juan giggles at the dark look that eclipses Fernando’s eyes. He’s got a few hours before his flight leaves and he can’t think of a better way to spend them than in bed with his love.

***

Fernando moans loudly as he comes deep inside his small lover. He collapses onto Juan’s sweat-soaked chest, panting, trying to fill his burning lungs. Juan weakly pets his head, wishing his hair was still long the way he loved it. Fernando presses lazy kisses to his upper arm – the only skin he can reach currently.

“That was amazing,” Juan gasps breathlessly.

“Always is,” Fernando returns. He finally musters up the energy to roll off of Juan. Juan squeaks at the sudden chill that rushes over his naked body, still wet with sweat. Fernando apologizes with soft kisses on his neck as he pulls the covers up over him. “I’m going to miss you so much,” he whispers, nibbling gently at his earlobe.

“I’ll miss you too. I wish you were coming with me.” Juan rolls onto his side and curls his body against Fernando’s, nuzzling against his warm skin. Fernando kisses his face, and tells him all the things he doesn’t really believe himself. ‘Time will go by quickly” and “We’ll be too busy to miss each other.” While, he thinks the latter might possibly be true for Juan, it most definitely will not be for him.  He’s going to spend the next five days wallowing in loneliness.

***

Fernando kisses Juan goodbye six times before he finally lets him walk out the door. He watches via the window in his door as Juan rushes to his waiting taxi. When he climbs in, Juan waves, and Fernando waves back. He would blow a kiss, but they’re not exactly out, so he keeps that one to himself. After the cab rolls away, he pulls out his phone and sends a text to Juan: ‘I miss you already.’

Juan replies back a moment later with, ‘I know, baby. I left the sweater I was wearing on your bed. It should still smell like me. Love you!’

Fernando is about to reply with something like, ‘you’re perfect,’ when his phone rings. He stares at the name on the ID with one brow arched up high. Stevie hasn’t called him in ages. He considers ignoring the call in favor of sending cute texts to Juan until he boards, but he is intrigued. Why would his old captain be calling him?

***

When Juan steps off the plane in Spain, he is greeted by his old friend, Santi. Santi hugs him tighter than he has in a while, because he knows Fernando has not joined Juan, and maybe he has a chance to win him over. He has always been in love with Juan, but Juan has nearly always had Fernando, and before that he had his Valencia boys. Fernando was at least a bit easier to challenge than David Villa. Only a fool would go up against him.

“How are you?” Juan asks, delighted by the affection from his friend. He will still miss Fernando, of course, but with Santi’s company he might feel less lonely.

“I’m good, excited for the trip.”

“Yeah, me too. I can’t wait to leave for Brazil.”

Santi puts his arm around Juan’s back and gives him a squeeze before they set out to board the Spain private plane. Back-to-back flights aren’t ideal, but it was worth it for Juan to spend the extra day with Fernando in London. “How are things back in London?”

“Well, you know how football things are in London, don’t you?”

“No ribbing me about Chelsea being way ahead of Arsenal on the table, huh?” Santi pokes Juan gently in the side.

Juan giggles. “Okay, okay. No teasing. Things are great in London. Fernando is amazing, of course. I miss him already. I missed him as soon as I left his house earlier. I don’t know how I’m going to survive without him for a week.”

“Oh, I’ll be here to keep you company,” Santi says, squeezing him again. He is more than a little jealous of the way Juan talks about Fernando, but he tries not to let that show. He keeps a smile in place on his face, because he wouldn’t want to upset Juan.

“Thank you, Santi. I’m glad you’re here… and actually talking to me. Last call-up, we didn’t talk much.”

Santi glares straight ahead, but puts the smile back on when he turns to Juan. “Well, you were busy with Fernando, you know?”

“I’m never too busy for a good friend, Santi.” Juan slides his arm around Santi’s back. The gesture is purely one of friendship for him, but to Santi it feels almost like they could be a real couple. He knows they must look like one.

“We have a few minutes before we fly out. Want to get something to eat, or a drink?”

“Yeah! That sounds great!” Juan grins and nods. Santi smiles. If he’s agreeing to a sort of date, things must not be too serious with Fernando. Santi can only hope.

***

“I know you didn’t just want me to meet you guys for lunch, so what’s up? Are you finally getting married?” Fernando is sitting at Stevie’s table in his house in Liverpool, facing Stevie and Xabi. He hasn’t seen the pair together in a while. He’s seen Xabi more recently than Stevie, and it feels like ages since he’s been in Stevie’s house. He knows the pair must have ulterior motives for asking him here.

Xabi laughs heartily at Fernando’s question. “No, me boy,” Stevie answers. “We’re not getting married, although I keep telling Xabs here that it wouldn’t be a bad idea.” Stevie gingerly nudges his long-time lover in the side with his elbow. Xabi ignores him, so he leans in and nibbles at his neck.

Xabi’s face flushes, and he slowly pushes Stevie back. “We just, uh…” Xabi clears his throat. His hand is pressed to Stevie’s chest, holding him at arm’s length. “We knew you’d be alone for this week, and we thought you might want some company. We’re both injured, so we’re not helping our national teams. We know how you feel.”

“You don’t know how I feel, Xabi.” Fernando doesn’t mean to snap. He has the utmost respect for Xabi, and Stevie. They’re great influences on him, and they’ve always been there for him when he needed someone to comfort or take care of him. Taking all that into account, he’s still emotional at the moment, and well, he’s right. Xabi just doesn’t know how he feels.

“We do, lad,” Stevie tries. He pushes Xabi’s hand away. There will be no more teasing about marriage, and biting his neck now. This visit was about Fernando, not them (not entirely anyway).

“You don’t… not really. Sure, we’re all not with our national teams, but you two are injured. I’m not injured. I’m perfectly fit. I should be out there, but I’m in terrible form, and they just don’t want me. No one does. Pretty soon, Juan won’t even…” Fernando mumbles the latter, and stares at his lap. He hadn’t even realized he felt that way until the thought flew from his mouth.

***

Juan and Fernando only talk a few times over the next couple of days.  Juan never seemed to have much time to talk to Fernando. Fernando was upset by this, but he never let on to that. He wanted Juan to think he was okay.

“Are you sure you’re okay?” Juan asks the first time they talk aside from quick texts the night Juan left. Juan is calling before afternoon training. Fernando is seated at the table in Stevie’s kitchen, eating a sandwich the Englishman has just served him. Said Englishman and his Spanish lover are across from him, cuddling and sharing kisses while Fernando was occupied.

“Yeah, I’m fine,” Fernando assures him even if he isn’t so sure.

“You said you’re visiting Stevie and Xabi…” Juan has heard the stories of Fernando’s past. He knows the older men were his protection, his safe place.

“Stevie called me, because Xabi came to town. I’m just hanging out with them.”

Santi is on the bench next to Juan in the locker room and he sees a smile form on his face for whatever Fernando is saying to him. He frowns. Juan has never smiled at him like he smiles at Fernando, or how he’s smiling just talking to Fernando. “Hey, Mata. We should get going. Iker will be upset if we’re not out there for training.” That is true, but they have plenty of time. Santi would say just about anything to draw him away from Fernando though.

Juan frowns and says to Fernando, “I need to go baby,” and then to Santi, “I’ll be there in a minute, Santi. Go on without me.”

Santi gets up and grunts in response. He walks to the doorway, but doesn’t leave. He wants to know what was so important that Juan wanted to say it without an audience.

“I wish you were here,” he hears Juan tell Fernando. “I miss you so much already.”

Back in England, Fernando is trying not to cry. Juan is supposed to be the strong one in this. “I miss you too, but it’s only a little while.”

“You’re right,” Juan agrees. “Have a good time with Stevie and Xabi. I’ll call you later tonight. I love you so much.”

At the doorway, Santi winces. He walks out before he can see the smile that he knows will form on Juan’s face when Fernando replies to that. A moment later, Juan joins him just outside the locker room. “I told you to go on without me,” Juan says, slapping Santi on the back and smiling at him.

“I thought I’d wait.” Santi forces a smile and throws his arm over Juan’s shoulders. “So… how’s Fernando?”

“He’s okay, I guess. He’s hanging out with Xabi who is in Liverpool visiting Steven Gerrard, you know…”

Santi waves him off, because who doesn’t know about those two? “Yeah, I know. Didn’t Fernando have a thing with one of them?”

Juan glances at the floor and picks at the hem of his shirt. “Uh, well, yeah… He was involved with Stevie when he was at Liverpool, but Stevie is in love with Xabi, and…”

“And he’s a handsome guy… So is Xabi. Maybe they have some sort of thing going on.”

“No!” Juan’s head jerks over at Santi. “No… no, they don’t. Fernando loves me. He would never do that to me.”

“Sure, amigo, of course,” Santi says, but he doesn’t believe a word of it. That’s okay. As soon as Juan learns the truth about Fernando, Santi will be there for him.

***

Juan has just scored the winning goal in the Spain versus Brazil match. He is flying high! He jumps into the arms of David Villa who is waiting at the corner for him, but he is staring at the nearest camera, and patting his heart, because he knows Fernando will be watching and he wants him to know that goal was for him. Everything is for him. No sooner have his feet touched the ground, and Villa’s arms left his midsection than he is being lifted off his feet again. Santi wraps him in a tight hug. He is partially responsible for the amazing goal. It was his assist after all that put the ball into Juan’s path. He deserves a big hug – maybe a kiss, who knows? If the French can get away with it, surely they can as well.

Juan has no plans to kiss anyone, but he does hug Santi quite tightly and thank him a thousand times over for the assist. Santi’s heart feels like it’s about to explode. He has never felt closer to Juan, or more appreciated by him. And then Juan says, “I wish Fernando was here to give me an assist. That would be so perfect!”

And Santi’s heart is broken into a thousand pieces. He slowly lowers Juan to his feet and fights to keep the smile on his face. “Congratulations,” he says, drifting away from him, and using the influx of happy teammates as an excuse to do so.

Santi dresses beside Juan, but they don’t speak. Juan speaks, but not directly to Santi, not directly to anyone, really. He just talks about how tense the game was – so long it was a 3-3 draw, but then he swoops in at quite literally the last second and sent one to the back of the net for his country. He gushes about Fernando some more, and Santi feels sick to his stomach. He wishes Juan would just see that he’s right there adoring him, not off in some foreign country doing who knows what.

***

“I should have been there with him,” Fernando whimpers, burying his face against Stevie’s neck. Stevie is holding him close; Fernando nearly on his lap. Xabi is on his other side, caressing his back, and pressing gentle kisses to his shoulder. Xabi remembers similar days many summers ago when he and Stevie would spend hours comforting Fernando after one of Sergio’s frequent screw-ups. They would hold him, and hug him, whisper to him, and let him sleep between them like a small child would sleep with his parents after a nightmare… except Fernando was far from a child, and when Stevie began to develop a thing for him, Xabi put a stop to the sleepovers. He was well over his jealous phase now however, and would do anything Fernando needed to feel comforted.

Stevie scratched his fingers over Fernando’s short hair, and kissed his head. “He doesn’t hold it against you, lad. He tapped his heart… that goal was for you. You’re always on his mind, you know that?”

“Then why hasn’t he called to talk about the game or anything?”

***

“Has anyone seen my phone?” Juan shouts through the locker room. Everyone is dressed and ready to go celebrate the win. No one can be bothered to look for a cell phone. They all quickly shake their heads and mill out of the room.

“I can help you look for it, if you want. You probably left it in our room, actually,” Santi says.  Oh, how sweet of him to offer to help… if only he hadn’t “accidentally” slipped the phone into Cesc’s toiletry case.

Juan smiles, oblivious to Santi’s desperate conniving. “Thank you!”

They spend an hour searching for the phone, and what do you know they don’t find it anywhere in the locker room. “I’m sure you left it,” Santi assures him. “Let’s go celebrate with the team. We’ll get it later.”

“But I wanted to call Fernando,” Juan says sadly.

“He’ll understand if you’re a little late calling him!” Santi claps him on the back. “You gotta celebrate, right? You were our savior tonight!”

Juan grins, and nods. “Yeah, I guess so. Maybe I can ask Sergio to borrow his phone at the bar. He has Fernando’s number, and… What?”Juan asks when he notices a disapproving look on Santi’s face.

“I wouldn’t do that if I were you… Do you really want to stir up that old jealous drama when everyone is meant to be having a good time? We’ll get your phone later when we get back to the room.” Santi thinks surely Cesc will have discovered it and returned by then… hopefully.

***

Fernando sits on the edge of the guest bed nearest Stevie’s room in his house with his head in his hands. It is two in Liverpool meaning it’s midnight in Brazil. Juan should have called by now. They had a late game, sure, but it was long over now. Juan should have been back to his hotel. He should have been getting ready, preparing for a flight home the next morning. He should have called to celebrate his goal over the phone. He should have called to –

“Fer, are you okay?” Xabi’s soft voice interrupts Fernando’s stewing.

Fernando didn’t say a word. He just shook his head. He felt like a kid again, turning to Stevie and Xabi when he was new in Liverpool, struggling to learn the language, struggling with being away from home.

Xabi walks over to sit next to him. His arm is instantly around him, pulling him in for a hug. Fernando is bigger than him, but he still manages to look like a kid curling against him. Stevie appears at the doorway, and knows instantly that Juan hasn’t called. He approaches the bed quickly and pulls Fernando up to the head of the bed. They’re all in their sleeping clothes, and it seems like a good time to crawl under the covers and cuddle.

With Xabi is on his left and Stevie cuddling closely on his right, Fernando feels safe and comforted. He is still upset, of course, but he feels better. He curls down, and invites the older couple to cuddle him all they want. They oblige and wrap him in their arms. Xabi is whispering sweet comforting words in his head, and Stevie is kissing his head, and Fernando soon falls asleep.

***

“Didn’t you have a great time?” Santi asks Juan when they are on the way back to the hotel room they are sharing in Brazil. It seemed to him that Juan had forgotten about Fernando a little while they were knocking back drink after drink and dancing with the rest of the team, celebrating Juan’s goal, and the team’s win. Now that they were away from the darkened club, the alcohol, and the high of the rest of the team’s celebration, Juan seemed saddened again.

“Yeah, of course,” Juan mumbles. He’s a little drunk, but his mind has still turned to Fernando. He misses him worse than ever, and he wishes he could call him, but he is afraid he has lost his phone, and no one seemed to have a moment to loan him theirs. “I just… where’s my phone?”

Santi arches his shoulders up and let’s them fall: the universal sign for “I don’t know.” He is about to say something lame, because he actually knows right where the phone is, but Cesc troops up and saves the day. “Juan,” he says, giggling. “I think your phone got put into my bag by accident.”

Juan’s eyes bug out. “How?! Did you prank me, Cesc?”

“No!” Cesc is insistent, but he’s also giggling, and known for being a joker, so Juan doesn’t believe him.

“Why are you laughing if you didn’t prank me?”

“I’m laughing, because your phone is so gay! I didn’t know who it belonged to, so I opened a few things trying to figure it out. Fer sent you a ton of gay texts saying how much he loves you, and all the kiss-face photos in your “Fer” folder. You guys are so gay.”

“Oh, yeah, well… well…” Juan’s drunk brain is having a difficult time producing a comeback. Finally, he spouts, “Well, what do you think you are when you’re in bed with Pique or, or Iker, or whoever!?”

“Hey, hey! Keep it down, man. I was joking.” Cesc glances around to be sure that the maybe two people on the team that haven’t figured out his sexuality don’t hear Juan’s outburst.

“Well, don’t make fun of me!” Juan looks like a perturbed kitten that’s had too much catnip. He’s doing an awful lot of hissing, but it loses the threatening quality when he starts stumbling around.

“Alright, sorry. Santi, get him to bed.”

Oh, how Santi would love that! He nods to Cesc, and drags Juan into their room. Juan is muttering about Cesc being a bully and a homophobe which makes Santi laugh, because he’s accidentally walked in on a shared shower between Cesc and his national team captain. He’s anything, but homophobic. Santi shakes off the mental image of his teammates doing unspeakable things to each other in the showers, and pushes Juan onto his bed. “You need to get some rest,” he says, reluctantly pulling away and walking to his bed a couple of meters away.

“I need to call Fer,” Juan whimpers.

“It’s really late in London.”

“I don’t care. I need to call him, and, and tell him I love him.”

***

Xabi is awakened at around half past three in the morning by the sound of Fernando’s phone ringing. He groans and rolls away from the warm cocoon of blankets and Fernando and Steven’s limbs to answer it. “Gah, what? Hello?”

“Fer?”

Xabi groans at the tiny drunk voice on the line. He can barely recognize it. “No, this is Xabi. Fernando is asleep, because it’s almost four.”

“X – Xabi? Why are you…?”

Juan pauses when he hears Fernando’s voice in the background. “Xabi, come back to bed! I’m cold without you holding me. Stevie rolled away and hogged all the blankets.”

Juan’s heart cracks into a million tiny pieces. He takes the phone away from his ear and stares at it for five seconds before he sends it sailing across the room.

“What the…?” Santi’s eyes are wide as he watches the expensive cell phone shatter against the far wall of their hotel room.

“Why’d you get out of bed?” Fernando asks when Xabi returns after losing connection with Fernando’s drunken caller.

“The phone. It’s fine. Go back to sleep, Fer.” Xabi kisses his head, and pulls Stevie (and the blankets) back to them. Fernando falls asleep almost instantly with a smile on his lips.

 

“What’s going on?” Santi demands.

Juan jolts out of the trance he had slipped into after launching the phone. Tears instantly stream down his cheeks as if an invisible flood gate had been lifted. Santi had been gathering up the pieces of his phone, but he drops them all, and races to Juan’s side. “Juan, shh, shh. What’s wrong? What happened? What did Fernando say to you?”

“Nothing,” Juan sobbed, latching onto Santi and burying his face against his chest.

Santi held him and gently rubbed his back in soothing circles. “He must have said something,” he tries. He selfishly hopes Fernando called it quits with him.

“Not to me,” Juan wails.

Santi is confused now. “What do you mean?”

“Xabi answered the phone.” Juan hiccups and sniffs.

Santi grimaces and holds Juan closer. He might be selfish, but he would never want something like that for Juan. He presses a kiss to his forehead.

“They’re sleeping together, like you said, all three of them.”

Santi’s eyes are the size of saucers. He had never suspected that to actually be true. He was just being an asshole. “Seriously?”

“I – I – he- heard him. He said, said, he…” Juan sobs and clings to Santi’s shirt like it might save his life.

“I’m so sorry,” Santi says genuinely. He thought Juan losing Fernando would be a good thing, but he never wanted him to suffer like this. He had to stop it. “He said he was sleeping with them?” Why would he say that? Santi wondered.

Juan nods and tries again to explain. “He said… he said… for Xabi to… he said… come back to bed, Xabi.” Juan’s small body shakes and he breaks down again. The sobbing racks his tiny frame, and Santi swears it looks painful. He scoops him onto his lap, and holds him. He really never thought this would happen. It was all just wishful thinking, selfish wishful thinking. How could he fix this?

“I – I’m so sorry,” he repeats. He kisses Juan’s head and down onto his forehead.

When Juan feels Santi’s soft lips on his forehead, he jolts and turns his head up to look at him. His brow is furrowed. Maybe it’s the drunkenness or the heartbreak, but Santi’s lips felt pretty good on his forehead. Juan stares into Santi’s eyes and wonders what his lips would feel like on his own. That is definitely the drunkenness talking.

When Juan starts to lean in slowly, Santi almost wonders if he is dreaming. He has to be dreaming. Juan has never tried to kiss him before, but Juan has never been heartbroken before either. Maybe heartbroken Juan has realized that Fernando was no good for him, and Santi is there for him, so…

Santi’s thoughts are interrupted when Juan’s lips press against his. He is definitely dreaming. He has to be! He is dreaming, and he never wants to wake up. He holds Juan’s face gently in his hands, and kisses him slowly, savoring every moment. Juan clutches at his shirt, desperate to be comforted, desperate to forget how his heart aches for Fernando, how betrayed he feels.

They stay like this – Juan on Santi’s lap, kissing slowly and gently – for several minutes before Santi yearns for more. He gingerly moves Juan from his lap, and lays him back onto the bed. Juan’s drunken head is spinning, and his heart aches too much for him to argue. Not that he wants to. At the moment, Santi’s affections are the only thing making him feel good. He lets Santi crawl between his legs, and kiss his face, his neck, down his chest, and onto his stomach. When Santi grows impatient with the cloth of his shirt prohibiting his lips from touching his skin, Juan sits up a little and allows him to pull it off.

Santi’s lips feel nice on his skin. His tongue tickles a little, but he’s growing tired, so he barely notices. When he starts to yawn though, Santi notices. His mouth stills on Juan’s side, and he glances up at him. “Juan?”

“Hmm?” Juan’s eyes are fluttering. Santi sighs. He doesn’t want their night to end here. When did he get so selfish?

“Juanin…”

“Santi…” Juan threads his fingers into his hair and tousles it a little with short lazy motions. “Will you sleep with me?”

“What?” Santi’s heart thumps in his chest. Is Juan really asking what it sounds like he’s asking?

“Sleep with me, Santi…” Juan whines. His hands curl into fists around two sections of Santi’s shirt and he pulls him down. “I don’t want to sleep here alone. Will you sleep in my bed with me?”

Oh. He means sleep, like actually sleep. Santi sighs. He wants more, but he can’t deny Juan. Besides, with Fernando out of the picture, they’ll have all the time in the world to do anything else they want which Santi hopes is everything.

***

“My phone says Juan called last night.” Fernando walks into the kitchen to find Stevie and Xabi making out against the refrigerator. “Oh… sorry, guys.” Fernando stares sheepishly at the floor. He’s seen them kiss before, of course, but they’re pretty seriously going at it. He doesn’t blame them. They haven’t had much alone time, thanks to him.

“It’s alright, lad. We made breakfast for you. Eggs and sausages are keeping warm in me oven,” Stevie tells him.

“Thank you… Do you, um, know anything about Juan calling last night?”

“Oh, was that Juanin? Some drunk kid called you. I could barely open my eyes. It was so late.”

“Oh… you answered my phone?”

“You don’t remember. You woke up and complained that you were cold.”

“I did? Did I talk to Juan?”

“No. He hung up or something, and we went back to bed.”

“I should call him back.” Fernando is grinning as his taps on his phone. It immediately goes to voicemail, and his grin falls.

“Maybe he’s already boarded his flight,” Xabi tells him.

“No. His flight leaves this afternoon. I remember him telling me he wouldn’t be home until night time. Late.”

“Maybe it died. I’m always losing battery on me phone when I’m on holiday.”

“He wouldn’t do that. He misses me.”

“Lad, calm down. Have some breakfast. He’ll call.”

***

Juan wakes up an hour after Fernando tried to call having no idea that Fernando is trying to reach him. Actually, Juan hasn’t a clue about a lot of things. The only thing he knows immediately is that his head feels like it’s going to explode and someone is kissing his neck. He groans and pulls away from the kissing. Where is he? What did he do last night? “Fer?”

Santi jerks away. Why would he say that name? “Juan…” He had wanted to kiss him awake, but now he kind of wishes he had left him asleep.

“Santi?” Juan scrambles out of bed. Oh, no. Bad move. Standing is bad. His head pounds and he feels like he’s going to die. He falls back into bed.

“I’ll get you water, and aspirin,” Santi says, rushing to the bathroom. He returns a moment later, and gives the pills to Juan who fumbles them into his mouth and swallows them down.

Oh, great. Now he’s feeling nauseous. He chugs down the water though, because suddenly he realizes it feels like he’s swallowed a bag of flour. “What?” he manages. And that pretty much sums up what’s going through his mind anyway.

“Yeah, we had a little too much to drink last night.” Santi purposefully drank less than Juan, because he wanted to be coherent in case anything happen. He did not regret that decision one bit.

“I’m going to die,” Juan grumbles.

“No you’re not, babe.”

“Babe?”

“Er…”

“Wait…” Juan attempts to roll onto his back and look up at Santi, but oh, right, the light is evil, so he stays face down. “Were you kissing me?”

“Uh… yeah.”

Juan raises his head and shouts, “Why?!” He quickly falls back down, because the light is still evil, and he is positive his head is trying to kill him.

“What do you mean why?”

Did he get drunk, pass out, and wake up in an alternate universe or something? “Santi, what happened last night? Why would you kiss me? Why are you in my bed?”

“We kissed a lot last night, Juanin.”

“But… why? Fernando…”

“Fernando is cheating on you, so who cares about him?”

“What?” Juan whimpers. He remembers nothing of the previous night after being at the bar, downing shots with the guys.

“You called him last night, and he told you he was sleeping with Xabi. Or Xabi did or something. You didn’t say exactly.”

“He told me he was visiting Xabi and Stevie the other day. I don’t care about that. There’s nothing going on with them.”

“Well, apparently there is. You were upset. You cried, and you kissed me. Then, we kissed a lot.”

Juan starts to cry. “Did we… do anything else?”

“No. We just kissed a lot. Then, you asked me to sleep with you.”

“WHAT?” Evil light or not, Juan flips over. His eyes are burning, but he doesn’t care. “I asked you to sleep with me?”

“You meant just sleep sleep, but Juan who cares?? Fernando is cheating on you!”

“I CARE! And he is not! He can’t be! Something was misunderstood. I was… I had to be so drunk. I don’t remember any of this! Why would you do this?”

“Why would I do what? Why are you yelling at me? I was only trying to help?”

“By getting me drunk and kissing me? Santi! You know I love Fernando!”

“Well, I love you! Damn it, Juan! I always have, but you always want everyone else!”

Juan gapes at him. He genuinely had no idea. They had always been “just friends” to Juan.

“Oh, what? You didn’t know? Really?”

“No, Santi. Really… I… I thought you were just my friend. My really good friend. Ithought… I’m sorry, Santi. I – I’m in love with Fernando.”

“He’s sleeping with Xabi! You said so yourself!”

“Well, I must have misunderstood! He wouldn’t do that! I need to call him.”

“Good luck with that. You threw your phone last night before you kissed me. It’s still in pieces on the floor over there.”

Juan’s mouth drops open. He really wishes he could remember the previous night. What had Fernando said to him to make him throw his phone? He had to talk to him.

***

“I’m glad you came out with us, Fer,” Xabi says when they walk into the cinema. Fernando had been pacing the floor, dialing Juan’s number every thirty seconds. He and Stevie had to do something to distract him. They decided on something that would not only occupy him, but give them an excuse to take his phone away.

“Why can’t I have my phone though?” Fernando whines.

“We told you, lad. Juan’s phone is obviously dead. Just leave it. It’ll stay safely in me pocket until after the film. You can try ringing him then.”

***

Juan borrows Sergio’s phone to call Fernando, despite Santi’s warning that it would start a fight with the Sevillian. Turns out, Santi was wrong. Sergio’s only complaint is that he’s missing time he could be talking to Mesut. “It keeps going straight to voicemail,” Juan says after he has tried five times to reach Fernando. “Thanks, Sergio.”

“If you really miss him, take an early flight,” Sergio suggests, because he knows from experience that Fernando is a sucker for that stuff. “Surprise him. He’ll love it.”

Juan nods, and thanks Sergio again. He might just take his advice.

***

Fernando expects Juan back at the house late – ten, eleven maybe – so when Juan arrives at seven, he is still in Liverpool, enjoying dinner with the couple who have kept him sane all day. After the cinema, Fernando ignored the missed call from Sergio, because he had been all drama lately. Having his latest lover move to England was a bit of déjà vu for him, and it made him cranky. Fernando didn’t need to hear from him. He called Juan off and on until Stevie took his phone again.

Juan uses his key to enter Fernando’s house. “Fer! Are you here? Baby! I’m home!” He trots through the house, checking the kitchen first, then the living room, the bedroom, the bathroom. “Baby!” He shouts one last time, but he knows Fernando isn’t there. He plops onto the sofa in the living room, and starts to cry. He never did remember the events of the previous night, not even the kisses Santi kept mentioning. Ugh. Just the thought of kissing someone besides Fernando makes him feel sick. He decides the best course of action is to shower, and then try to reach Fernando. Curse cell phones for making him too lazy to even remember his own boyfriend’s number. Granted he could also blame Fernando for losing his phone a lot and being forced to change his number.

When he gets out of the shower, he grabs the phone in the house, and checks the address book stored inside it. He finds Stevie’s number first and dials it.

 

“Fer, uh, could you grab me phone? I’m, er, busy!” By this Stevie means, Xabi has his mouth attached to his neck, and he really doesn’t want to give that up to walk out of the living room and into the kitchen to get his phone.

Fernando is seated at the kitchen table, trying to read a book to occupy his mind. Stevie’s phone is sitting on the island where he left it. Funny he managed to remember to take Fernando’s phone with him, so he couldn’t use it. “It’s a blocked number!” Fernando shouts back.

“Answer it anyway! Most of my team has blocked numbers. You might get to talk to an old mate.”

Fernando hears Xabi say, “Alright, already... he knows how to answer a phone and take a message. Shut up and kiss me. Puta madre,” so he doesn’t say another word. He just answers the phone like he would anyone else’s, “Stevie’s phone…”

“Fer!”

Fernando is so shocked to hear Juan’s voice on the line that he almost drops Stevie’s phone. “Matita!?”

“Yes! You’re still with Stevie?”

“Yeah, I stayed with them the whole time.”

“Oh…”

“Where are you, baby? Are you calling me from the plane?”

“Plane, what? Oh, no… I’m home.”

“WHAT? I thought you said late, like eleven or something.”

“I took an early flight to surprise you, but you’re not home.”

“I’m so sorry, baby. I didn’t know. I was going to head home soon. I thought I’d make it home around the same time you did. I… I’ll leave right now.”

Juan considers asking Fernando about the cheating phone call now, but he decides to leave it for the face-to-face conversation.

***

Juan is pacing the floor when Fernando bursts through the front door two and half hours later. “How did you…?”

“Train.” Fernando grabs Juan and picks him up, kissing him hard. “Missed you…” He shoves him against the nearest wall, kissing him harder, deeper, clutching his shirt. “So much.”

“F- Fer… W –wait…” Juan pushes on his shoulders. Kissing him felt so good, but guilt settled in his stomach when he thought about the alleged kisses he shared with Santi, and this mysterious cheating incident.

“Baby, I can’t… It seems like I haven’t seen you in months. Next time, I’m coming with you. I don’t care. I can’t…” Fernando leans back in for another kiss, but Juan shoves him back and manages to skitter away from him. “Juan…” Fernando’s face falls. “What’s going on?”

“I… I don’t know. We need to talk.”

Fernando’s heart nearly stops in his chest, and then kick starts and thumps much faster than it ever should. “Why?”

“I… I called you last night, I guess… Did I?”

“Huh? Yes, you called in the middle of the night. You should know…”

“I, uh, I was drunk. Really drunk.”

“Oh…”

“Santi made me celebrate with them…”

“Okay…”

“I… I don’t remember the conversation. What did I say?”

“Oh… well, I don’t actually know. Xabi answered, because I was asleep. I didn’t remember waking up, but he says I did, complained about being cold…” Fernando grins sheepishly. “And then I guess I went back to sleep.”

“Wait… why was Xabi answering your phone?”

“You know I’m a deep sleeper. It didn’t wake me at first, so he answered it.”

“I get that!” Juan shouts. “I mean why was he in the same room with you while you were sleeping?”

“Oh…” Fernando’s cheeks burn. He feels like a child again. “I… I was upset, so he and Stevie slept with me.”

“WHAT?!”

“No, no, no!! Oh, gosh, no! Not like that! Slept like… well, like you’d sneak in with your parents if you had a bad dream.” Fernando feels foolish.

“Oh, no.” Juan collapses onto the couch and buries his face in his hands.

“Oh, no, what? I swear Juan nothing happened. You have to believe me. I love you.”

“I know. I believe you.”

“Then what ‘oh no?’”

“I… I thought you cheated on me last night. Santi says I was so upset I  threw my phone across the room.”

“Oh, that’s why I couldn’t reach you! But… Juan, you know I would never!”

“But I was drunk! I wasn’t thinking clearly. Oh, no. You’re going to hate me. I don’t even remember it, but you’re going to hate me.” Juan starts to cry.

“Baby, what are you talking about?” Fernando slides his hand onto Juan’s back.

“Don’t touch me!” Juan jumps off the couch. “I don’t deserve consolation.”

“Juan… you’re scaring me. What’s going on?”

Juan turns away from him, because he can’t look at him, not now. After a few minutes, he mutters, “I kissed Santi.”

Fernando’s heart feels like it has a vice clamped on it. Just when he opens his mouth to shout at Juan, someone knocks on the door. Juan umps, and then scrambles toward the door. He has no idea who would be coming round this late, but he doesn’t care. Whoever it is will save him from his doom, or at least delay it. When he swings open the door, he is stunned, and horrified, to see Santi standing on the porch. “What are you doing here?!”

“Did you tell him?”

“What?”

“You bastard!” Fernando storms over, and jerks the door away from Juan, nearly knocking the tiny man over in the process. He reaches out and takes Santi by the collar. “How could you do this?”

“I didn’t! We didn’t! I lied!”

“What?” Fernando demands.

“What?!” Juan is bewildered.

“I – I lied. You were so drunk you didn’t remember getting that call from Fernando, so I thought if I said you kissed me after then you’d, I don’t know, fall in love with me.”

Fernando dropped his collar and pulls back. “Why would you want that?”

Santi looks down at the ground. “I have feelings for him. I’m sorry.”

“Oh… but, so… you didn’t kiss him?”

“You kissed me this morning!”

Santi glares at Juan. Seriously? He is taking one for the team, as it is, pretending it was all a lie just so Juan could be happy, and Juan can’t just keep his damn mouth shut. “I… sorry about that. I shouldn’t have done that. I thought you were over. I mean, if you want to forgive him for cheating on you, that’s your business. I shouldn’t have jumped to conclusions.”

“I didn’t cheat on him!” Fernando shouts.

Juan places his hand gently on Fernando’s forearm. “Baby, don’t yell at Santi, please… He’s my friend.”

“Sorry… Just…”

“Go, baby. Go make us tea. I’ll be there in a second. I just need to talk to him.”

“Okay, but…” Fernando turns and points right in Santi’s face. “No kissing.”

“Fer, go!” Juan shoves him away gently. After he disappears into the kitchen, Juan turns back to Santi. “I’m sorry, Santi.”

“Why are you sorry?”

“That we can’t be what you want us to be… I hope we can still be friends though.”

“I… I don’t know, Juan. Maybe.”

Juan frowns. “I’ll miss you…”

“Please, just… give it some time.” Santi backs away. “Good luck with Fernando.” Santi is walking away when Juan calls out to him. He turns slowly. “Yeah?”

Juan steps onto the porch and closes the door behind him. “Did you really lie?”

“I think kissing you was like a dream I had… You didn’t do anything to betray Fernando.” That much was true anyway. He hadn’t been in his right mind at the time.

“Thank you for coming here.”

“Don’t mention it.”

Fernando is standing at the stove preparing green tea for them when Juan walks into the kitchen.  Juan slides his arms around him from behind and kisses his back. “I love you.”

“I love you too, baby.”

“I’m sorry about all the confusion.”

Fernando turns in his arms and picks him up again. Juan wraps his legs around his waist. “I’m sorry about Santi. I know you really care about him. He seemed really upset. I never knew he had feelings for you.”

Juan shrugged. “Neither did I. I’m just glad nothing happened.”

“I would have forgiven you,” Fernando admits.

“Why?”

“Because I love you. You’re everything to me, and I know you feel the same about me. If you did something like that, I know you wouldn’t mean it.”

“Would you ever sleep with Stevie again? If I was gone for a while…”

“Never. I’m yours.”

“Always?”

“Always.”

“Can we stop talking about all this now?”

“Absolutely. Why don’t we forget the tea and go have a talk about what I’m going to do to congratulate you on your game winning goal?”

“Can’t we just skip the talking and get to the doing?”

Fernando laughs. “How did I get so lucky to have you?”

Juan chuckles. “That will forever be one of life’s mysteries.” Juan jumps down from his arms and throws his shirt off. “Turn off the kettle and hurry!” He races out of the kitchen.

“Juan! Not fair! Don’t get naked without me!” Fernando scrambles to turn off the stove and races after him, losing his shirt in the process.

 

Santi is still sitting in his car in the driveway when the couple run through their living room. He sees them laughing and chasing each other through the huge picture window in the living room. He had been crying, feeling sorry for himself, selfishly wishing he hadn’t done what he did. Seeing how truly happy they made each other, the kind of true happiness that only ever really shows when you’re alone with the one you love… he can’t be bitter anymore. He’ll probably always have some residual feelings for Juan. Things will be awkward between them for a while, but he won’t be bitter about it anymore. He is happy, genuinely, for him, and for Fernando. He hopes Juan’s memories from that night will never return. They deserve to stay as happy as they are right now, chasing each other to bed. And for the first time he feels content knowing that he’ll never have Juan, but maybe one day he’ll have the same happiness that he and Fernando have.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! If you like, leave kudos or comments! xx


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